Hi My Love I am missing you so much Kevin its just unbearable today I am sat here crying as I write this I miss you so much I want and need you with me but I know that will never be again I keep thinking about the last few days of your life and it makes me so so sad I just cant get that out of my mind I think about all the things we said to each other and how you were at that time I know you knew how bad things were and I know you didnt want to talk about it or think about it but I wish you had because now all I can do is imagine what was going through your mind. You said you were thinking exactly the same as me and they must have been sad thoughts for you because I know what I was thinking and it was all sad Kevin. I honestly dont know how I have managed so far well I havent managed I have just gone onto auto pilot really just doing what I am supposed to do but Kevin my heart isnt in anything I do because my heart is with you its not with me any more and sometimes I just dont want to carry on Kevin I dont care what happens to me because I want to be with you I know thats selfish because I have Loren but kkevin I want to be with you so much and I cant wait for the day when I will be with you.I am so upset at the moment and I am missing you, the ache I have will never leave me I cant describe how much I want you and need you I love you so much Kevin I just want you back with me. Just you please stay near me I need you near xx